Journal Entries
by Kenocka
Summary: Companion pieces to Starting Out Newbie in the form of journal entries from different characters dealing with events before, during, and after the series.


Disclaimer: Anything owned by Nintendo is owned by Nintendo. Anything owned by the owners are owned by the provided owners.

Author's Note: This was written for Akai Shi-Koret's contest in The Etrua Region on Gaiaonline. This should be read in the style of a journal - hence the meandering words and topics. Depending on my mood I may or may not continue this. This is a companion piece to Starting Out Newbie.

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I do not seek to be a human being but I cannot lie that I seek their respect as a fellow sentient creature – as an alien with their intelligence hidden among them. In the midst of Pokémon I am uncomfortable and my cousins find me awkwardly human in my thoughts and actions. I seek out books and documents on scientific theory. I mark notes in the margins of brilliant thesis papers with whatever questions or corrections (if I can find any that need to be made) that come to my mind.

Wild Pokémon do not seek out information of the wide world unless it directly affects them. Wild Pokémon don't ask questions regarding how the universe works; they just accept that the world spins and has spun and will continue to spin. Wild Pokémon have never built marvels of science the likes of which humanity's most brilliant would be envious. Wild Pokémon do not see and comprehend on the same level as I have since my first waking moments of consciousness. Barely sentient animals don't grow bitter at the treatment of their fellows and try to wage war on an entire planet in a misguided and arrogant attempt at playing the part of an unasked for Messiah.

I have been called a human in Pokémon's skin by more than one of my kinsmen.

There is no one at fault for these all-too-correct observations. I know that I will never be as my brethren are and will be for their entire lives. Stalking through the world in shadows and questioning everything is not something my people are wont to do. I seek stimulation that they don't consider worth the time and efforts it would take out of their daily attempts to survive. Unlike them I have more power than I know what to do with and can wile away my time staring into the distance wondering why and how things are and continue to be.

What would be thought of me if others knew that I was playing the part of a human? Would they think my mental illusion some kind of wish fulfillment in my desire to find companions that understand me on more than a level of basic mortal needs? As some desperate attempt to find a niche in which I am contented as a living thing?

If anyone other than my companions does discover me playing at being human then I cannot fault them for thinking those exact thoughts. It's in the nature of all animals to seek out others of their own kind if only to feel a sense of belonging. As humans are the only souls that (on this plane) can be measured as my equals in the mentality I have is anything else to be expected of me? Could they find offense in one intelligent individual seeking the familiarity of others? Had I never been brought up to believe that I was as good or better than other Pokémon and indeed humanity – had I been brought up as a "normal" Pokémon, as nothing more than an overpowered specimen of the Abra line, would I be any different than I am now? Or would I still come to be after a longer period of time?

I think in any event my obviously different psyche would have led me to many of the same conclusions that I have come to make already but perhaps with less violence and death. Maybe I wouldn't have had to be half of what killed a young boy in order to come to the culmination of thoughts that lead me to knowing what I do now. That was one of many turning points in my life and one that changed me for the betterment of myself and most definitely for the safety of the planet and those that choose to be around me. Were it not for that boy's sacrifice my opinions on humanity would not have changed without extreme force.

If I hadn't learned acceptance (and forgiveness) then I think the years I spent being chased by another human child through two countries would have been rather different. My fairly relaxed and playful demeanor with her would not have been a factor in her efforts to see me. I would have instead been irritable and the girl's sightings of me would not have been allowed and our often good-humored banter would not have happened. I like to believe that if it weren't for that young woman my years after leaving Mount Quena would have been nothing but an opaque and listless time of drifting. She brought a sense of vivid and unexpected lightheartedness with her whenever we spoke and it forcefully drew me out of my morbid contemplations of self and the world.

In that light I am also saddened with the way I parted with my "Chaser" as well. It came to light that she wasn't following me all over creation just simply because she wanted to see a rare and powerful Pokémon. She became so fixated with either capturing me on film or in a Pokéball for the sake of a crush on a boy which I later found out was one of my opponents while I was under Giovanni's sway. After investigating his feelings towards her and finding out that her crush was one-sided and leading to what I considered to be an obsession I made the decision to cut ties with the girl. That is what ultimately lead me to end our – friendship? acquaintanceship? – always short times together. I believe the words I hammered into her broke the girl's desire to look for me and continue on with her senseless delusion that presenting me before that boy would somehow have whatever she wanted suddenly come together.

It physically pained me and has continued to haunt me that I called her pathetic to make her separate herself from me.

Destroying that relationship, whatever it might have been considered, lead me to another country and almost immediately into trouble. It was on the outskirts of a city near the mountains and sea that I ran into this mess. A local trainer that I later learned was also the most powerful gym leader in the region had only recently evolved his Zweilous into a Hydreigon and the beast saw fit to disobey his master because of this new power. The man had taken the devil dragon out of the city to enforce who leader of the pack was. I happened to be in the area and the demon saw me and its prey-drive activated after sensing that I was psychic. The Hydreigon was half of my type weakness and had the added power of dragons and the ferocity of a feral, rabid animal behind its attacks and after leaving Mount Quena and those magical waters my power had decreased tremendously. The fight was a one-sided beating with me as the receiver. If the devil dragon's trainer hadn't reacted quickly enough by having another of his team interfere I'm certain it would have eaten me as I was insensate and incapable of defending myself.

Shockingly enough he didn't use this chance to capture me, he brought me into his home and did what he could to heal me with the help of a friend. I've no idea of how he got me to his home without stuffing me in a Pokéball. Something I must have said while semi-conscious must have prevented him from doing so. I don't remember what words were voiced and have never asked; in the future I may. That he took the time to ferry me to his residence still leaves me with a feeling of worried relief that I cannot fully explain. I am grateful but still uneasy as to the reasoning behind this decision no matter what I may or may not have said before fading out and waking up on his living room floor. My natural suspicion of humans will likely never fully abate and that this human, a man with access to powerful Pokémon, would pass on acquiring another if only for the sake of submitting information on me to the Pokédex Initiative still sets me on edge. Again I do not know the reasons behind the way I feel. I am only sure that despite any mean actions or insults I directed at him while I was infirm the man never stopped doing his level best to make sure that I returned to a state as close to I was before the attack. His guilt would allow for nothing less.

The human must have gathered that I disliked and distrusted him from all the glaring, hissing, and growling (sometimes the latter two were quite literal) I emitted whenever he entered the room. He kept himself away from me whenever it was abundantly clear that I wanted nothing of his presence in the room. This made maneuvering through his home difficult and I begrudgingly had to accept that my host did not have an especially large abode so coming into contact with one another on a daily basis wasn't avoidable unless he moved me into another room. As he seemed afraid of what his female friend would do to him if he attempted to move me - along with the very real possibility that I would object to this violently - he was forced to tiptoe around me until any cross actions of mine were nothing more than old practices.

Gradually, under the watchful eyes of his Dragonair, he began reclaiming his living space despite my disgruntled attempts to dissuade him. In spite of my snarling I'd become nothing more than a lowly irritant not worth paying attention to unless a body part came within my reach. The man was convinced that if a foot strayed close to me it would be maimed in some way. I wouldn't have harmed the man out of a keen sense of self-preservation and a distinct desire to continue healing at the source of my attacker's expense. The Dragonair was pretty but shrewd enough to let me know that if I hurt her master she wouldn't be any less viscous than the Hydreigon and that also served as a convincing deterrent. At some time in the weeks I spent lying on hastily made pallets (the first hadn't done anything to stop blood from seeping through to the carpet when I'd first arrived and the gym leader did feel that he needed to change the bedding every week or so anyway) I had to recognize that I was no longer feared despite there being ample reason to be afraid of me. It was evident that I wasn't going to do anything other than grumble halfheartedly whenever he entered the room.

This forced coexistence bred a familiarity of routine and habit. He would enter the room, sometimes with his Dragonair, sometimes without. I would grouse in one way or another and be ignored. His fearlessness towards me led to boredom and eventual snarking on my part. His responses led to more substantial conversations and yet more grudging respect.

I feel some self-contempt when I say that I milked his sense of responsibility to me. There was a point in which I honestly could have left the man's home and been fine but it had been too long since I'd enjoyed the comforts of speaking with someone that wasn't concerned about whether or not the neighbors had found their winter food-stash or if that missing patch of fur was a sign of age or alopecia. It was a combination of being bored and testing to see when the man would decide to kick me out because he'd had enough of me taking up his minimal floor space and my own curiosity. Loneliness might have been an agent in what made my stay last four weeks longer than was necessary. As it happened my host didn't seem to think my stay all that odd and even expressed a wistfulness at my leaving when it was mentioned. I've no idea why as our conversations (some of them contained censored versions of events in my life) did nothing more than pass the time. Out of courtesy I didn't try to read his mind to figure out the thoughts behind his feelings, in place of this I speculated to myself and broached the topic.

His answer brought about further interest and after his herbalist friend deemed me capable of living without human assistance I took the chance to stretch my legs and roam alone a few weeks more and stew on his response. The man had answered me honestly - I could sense that without invading his mind - he enjoyed my company on an intellectual level. I was an interesting person to talk to and when I left he hoped I'd check in if only to assuage the guilt he still felt over the devil dragon's attack - just so he would know there was no lasting damage. It was less than anyone had ever asked of me and I felt an uncanny sense of foreboding - but not of the unwanted kind! - from his words even as I agreed to their terms.

It was perhaps another three weeks before I showed up at his gym after hours, tired of exploring the city, and curious as to whether or not he actually still meant what he'd said before I'd left. He was shocked to find me in the hidden office he kept in the place as he hadn't expected me to actually do as he'd asked. Questions as to why I'd bothered to appear before him again masquerading as polite conversation finally floundered down to the reason for my return. I had nowhere else to go and nothing to do with my time. That he wasn't a disagreeable personality was another factor.

That failed attempt at saving face earned a nonchalant response that consisted of his consent to my staying with him (temporarily I said) and telling me to work with his devil dragon because his house couldn't possibly stand up to the thing trying to eat me every day.

In all honesty my stay with the man was only supposed to last as long as the weather was cold. Then the plan was to move on to continue my wanderings as was natural to me. I didn't expect to be allowed to stay in the second room of his tiny home and if he'd told me the sofa or floor was where I was supposed to rest that wouldn't have jolted me as much as the room did. Outside of my mind I made no signals of how unusual I found this arrangement but I somehow feel as though he knew that I hadn't been imagining getting a space to use however I saw fit.

A temporary stay was a few weeks longer than I planned and thinking that I ought to stop imposing I wandered away without a word to the gym leader until I'd reached the end of his city. It wasn't as if during the time I'd been a guest in his home we hadn't gotten along but I hadn't felt any especial closeness with the man either. I owed him no explanations for leaving so abruptly and the situation was from the beginning a stopgap only. The astounded response to my curt departure caught me off guard. I'd expected him to be happy knowing that his home was his own again, not feel the disappointment he didn't even yet recognize was welling within him. Awkwardly I agreed to at least keep him posted that I was alive still before finally getting back out into the wilderness I'd been craving for so long.

That is how I came to spend the majority of my time. I would leave with or without word of why and come back whenever I pleased. For the most part the man didn't seem to mind my transient ambling in and out of his home. He did sometimes ask that I leave for a few hours and I appreciated his kindness enough to do as he asked (and realizing why he allowed me in his house stirred emotions within me to such an extent that I had to leave just to deal with them). It was a fair trade that I found no resentment in helping with whatever tasks needed doing in his gym on occasion if he and his Pokémon were the building's only occupants. A few times there were tense moments between the Hydreigon and I but the gym leader hadn't earned his title for no reason and quickly put an end to anything before it could result in another attack.

Somewhere along the line, be it from his complete acceptance of my urge to leave whenever I pleased or helping me to perfect the illusion I now use to convince humans that they're looking at another human or showing me his city as he would any newcomer to the region, I found myself actually considering him a friend. I was stunned at this unspoken admission to myself but put it from my mind. It wasn't as if he hadn't been trying to befriend me since I'd first awakened under his roof. Had we not become friends - had I not started making smart-aleck commentary - then I would have spent a year traipsing through the country alone.

Were it not for this man's willingness, eagerness, to treat me humanely and as an equal to him then I would have instead spent a year traipsing about the country without the knowledge I now hold. I can admit to myself that I am not so dour as I was previously. I would not have been quite so quick to jump to a young female trainer's defense had I not met him - difficult though the circumstances were. I would not have so easily made friends with the same girl were it not for that year.

I still distrust humans too much, am still too fervent in my beliefs that most of humanity isn't worth the air they breathe. But because of one human's supreme differences and efforts I can see more clearly that some of them most certainly are.

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PS Author's note: Find the references and know what they are for cookies!


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